Death

The last of my grandparents expired - my maternal grandmother. She is the only grandparent I have really had a sensible conversation with, the only one I 'knew' because by the time I was 10, she was the only one left. She was 93, frail and weak with no ailments and died in her sleep in her house. Not in a hospital. That's a very peaceful death.

But I don't want to die like that. I still stick to my brain tumour fantasy. With all the passive smoking and excessive pollution inhalation (added to my liking for the smell of pollution), I am sure I will not even reach my eighties. I don't want to. I know I will be suffering from ailments that don't even exist now! Moreover, I am not the kind of person who takes care of their health.  I don't eat right or sleep right. How many youngsters these days take care of their health just because they want to live longer? Going to the gym, taking brisk walks or jogging are not the only things that keep one healthy. There are numerous don'ts to be followed too.

Forty cigarettes a day. Have you heard of that? What level of elasticity must be left in those alveoli? Zilch!! Heard of anyone who has quit smoking only once and never smoked again? That's a fictitious species. The more common kind you find is one that quits every night. Then they start again the next morning. EVERY next morning! They have an excuse each time too, just like they have, each time they drink and damage their liver and kill their brain cells. But who cares?

What these uncaring fools don't know is that at a point in their life, they might be with the perfect partner, with lovely kids and their love for life will have increased. They will want to live longer so that they can feel all the beautiful moments. How would it be if one such beautiful moment is near and our uncaring smoker finds himself on his death bed, never weaning off the ventilator, trying hard not to slip into unconsciousness, yearning to live a little more to witness that blissful moment which might just slip out of his reach? How will repentance help then?

Sleeping less has adverse physiological effects. And I am sitting up at 2am and preaching about how one should take care of their health. This habit is enough to make sure that I don't live beyond 80. Nice thing. Like I said before, I don't want to be dependent. A late brain tumour detection would mean quick death, with a brief period of pain and suffering.

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Vrijilesh from Chai Biskut With Vrij got into a blogging treaty with me yesterday. Only bloggers who've had a family in blogosphere can understand  how it hurts to miss blogging for so long. The treaty says that at the end of my post, I tell Vrij what he should next write about. The post has to made within a week. At the end of his post will be his question for me. I am allowed to make a post totally unrelated to his question.
Okay, the last line there is a lie :P


So, Vrij, I want to hear about the oldest patient you've had.

Alive now

Long break. I know. The break happened because of a lot of things, about which I might tell, some other time. But for now, I have something important to report. Who knows what might happen?

I got my first real death threat today. It was from the father of a seemingly mentally abnormal girl who enjoys cheap gossip. Can I just post this much and go? Posting this so that there are at least a few people who know that there really WAS a threat. Just in case I get killed or something... you know :-/

Am active on facebook. So you know when I'll really be dead ;)

The day my phone took revenge

It took me a month of research before I zeroed in on my Sony Ericsson k790i two years ago. That was after my k750i had got stolen. It was with a heavy heart that I got separated from my k750i. But the heaviness did not stay for long. k790i turned out to be such awesomeness that I fell in love with it and when the camera proved to be a hit, I was drooling!

That was 2 years ago. With the phone churning out class pictures, my love for my phone kept increasing and it made me overlook all the better stuff that came my way.

Diwali offers were flowing in through the roof and my brother got tempted with one of them.
Buy a phone and get a free LCD TV.
That sounded a lot like 'buy a milk bottle and get a baby free'. He wanted the TV and he knew I was a sucker for phones. As expected, I got tempted too. Since I had to replace my phone anyway, I started thinking about all the negatives that my current phone had. Annoying joystick, hangs a lot, short-lived battery. Awesome camera though, so I'd just use it as a camera till I bought my.. err.. real camera. (That will have to wait a li'l more. For now, I have other priorities.)
I was almost considering replacing my phone I loved so much with a new 'thing' just because my Chota Hitler would get his TV?

So a couple of days ago, I was late to college on the very day when I was internal examiner for that day's vivas. I was in the bus reading 'Eclipse' on my phone and the conductor came by. I took my ticket and decided to rest my eyes till I got into the train. My stop came, I got off the bus and checked the time. I was really late. Had to tell the external examiner to leave a little late from home so that we'd both reach approximately at the same time. AND I remembered that I hadn't taken care of the phone that I had left on my lap while taking my ticket. I checked in my bag, just in case... It wasn't there.

*PANIC ATTACK*

I knew as I looked at the bus that was swiftly making way through the crowded narrow road, (something it never did when I was in a hurry to reach home), that I'd never catch up with it if I tried to chase it on my two legs that never gave me an athletics position better than second last. So, not sane enough to bother about what people on the road would think, I frantically waved to an autorickshaw and screeched as loud as I could. One of the auto drivers probably got worried and drove upto me. I jumped into it.
"Follow that bus, that bus, that.. that one." I almost pushed him to get the auto running faster.

"What happened, madam?"

"Go, go, faster, pleeeeasee!"

"Yea yea, but tell me no, madam, what happened?"

"My phone fell in it." I didn't drop it. IT FELL. Phone's fault.

He drove as fast as he could, without killing any pedestrians hurrying for work.

"Stop right in front of that bus", I was getting increasingly hopeful as we swiftly neared the bus.
Just as we overtook the bus, we turned to come in its way, but the driver did not stop his rick there.
"STOP STOP STOP!!!" I pleaded. I meant to plead but I'm sure it sounded like I'd grab his lungs out of he didn't.

 "Madam the bus will run over us if I stop here!" Saying that, he managed to bring the auto at a place where he could talk to the driver and shouted in Marathi, "Madam's phone fell in the bus. Please stop."

I stuck my head out of the auto so that the bus driver could see my tortured face and feel sorry for me.
It worked. Suddenly, everyone seemed to co-operate. The bus slowed down to a stop, the auto stopped, I rushed out of the auto and into the bus to see the conductor walking towards me with my phone in his hand.

My dear phone *sniff sniff*

"We were going to deposit this at the depot," he sang calmly. Everything was music to my ears then. I'm not even sure if that's what he said because the heavenly violins playing in my head drowned his voice too.
With my head floating in the space above seventh heaven, I beamed at my 2 year old faithful companion and danced away happily to where I had to go.

"Madam!! Madam!!" Someone called out, snapping me back to reality.
Uh oh!
"At least say a thank you if you don't plan to pay me," the auto driver teased.
Aww shucks! I ran back to him with a sheepish grin, poured out a dozen sorries, completely meaning it and paid him. He laughed and thanked me and of course I thanked him too.
I'd hug my phone if it were bigger and I'd smack it too for taking revenge for my goodbye act, if it were not as fragile.

That lovely summer evening

It took me a thoughtful, slow 10 minute walk from college to reach my second home- my second floor room in the hostel. My mind was full of thoughts about the lovely trek that he and I had been planning to go for. For one reason or the other, it kept getting postponed. It wasn't the trek that was really important. What mattered was the fact that we were going to do something difficult together, be together for a long time, help each other on the rocks and enjoy a beautiful view up there. Together.

I opened my cupboard and picked up that little green bottle of perfume; closed my eyes and inhaled ..deep in. I could feel him right next to me, because I could smell him there. It felt heavenly. I was sleepy and tired after a long day at college but this little green bottle always helped me feel nice and new. Moreover, the desire remained fresh, wanting to fulfill it as soon as I could.. I couldn’t wait for another right opportunity. I set off right away for that long awaited trek.

It was still bright and sunny outside, so we'd get to watch the lovely sunset together up there. From a distance, I saw him waiting for me. As usual, he had reached on time and I was late. I knew I was late, but I slowed down my pace. I have always loved watching him, his actions, watching him while he spoke, sang, smiled, thought, while he rested, slept.. I simply loved watching him. Now, he was facing the other way, feeling the breeze in his hair, running his fingers through them. Then he turned and walked a few steps, kicked a stone, walked a few more steps, checked his phone, probably selecting a song, turned back again and continued feeling the breeze in his hair. I couldn't help smiling at the cuteness of his every action :"> I slowly sneaked up behind him and lightly ruffled his hair. He stood still for a few moments as if he didn't feel it. Before I could realise what was happening, I was lost in those lovely arms. A few seconds of bliss in the midst of a busy crowd.

"Lead the way", he said with a mocking smile.

"No.. we're going together", I whispered.

He stroked my chin and arm in arm, we proceeded to the top of the world.

This was a place I had been to, twice already, so we weren't going to get lost at least. Thinking of it now, getting lost would've been a lot of fun ;) Our climb upwards was quick and smooth. So unlike how I had thought it would be. I loved the proximity, it was always a pleasure to have him close to me; totally loved just walking around with him. He was one person who truly made me happy just by the fact that he was there, somewhere there, within my reach. He was his usual naughty, cute self, teasing and playing with me all along. His little 'games' were always fun ;)

Surprisingly, we met no one during our climb. There was no one around, unlike the previous times I trekked here.

"I'm not complaining, but, where IS everyone? No one wants to trek today?" I asked aloud.

"Maybe the Gods are just letting me be me today..", saying this, he held me by my hand and pulled me close to him. For the next few moments, I was not in this world. How can a hug feel so nice? I felt as secure as a kitten sleeping in its mother's warmth. There was no worry that I knew of, I was safe, no one could ever harm me. I have no idea how long those few moments lasted. It could be anything from 10 seconds to 10 hours. I had completely lost track of time. I could feel heartbeats; just didn't know whether they were his or mine. I could live all my life like this. Wouldn't even complain to God if I had died during that wonderful embrace. That would've been the most peaceful death in the history of mankind.

But I guess he realised it'd be sunset time soon. He slowly released me from his grip and gently stroked my cheeks.

"Let's go", he whispered into my ears and led me along. Dreamily, I went along.

Soon, we reached the top - our destination. We found a safe, open, breezy spot towards the edge and sat there together, wrapped in each other’s arms. Safe.. secure.. It was the most peaceful feeling. It was just him and me and no one else in this world. We watched the beautiful evening while the soft breeze brushed against our bodies. We talked and talked of little little things and big little things. Impromptu kisses, ruffling the hair, resting our heads on each other, innocent, naughty, sweet things in between our talks... and soon, the sun was a dark shade of orange. Silently, bodies fused to each other, we watched this beautiful phenomenon called sunset. Within seconds, the dark orange had turned crimson red and soon it blended with the surrounding sky and disappeared. He held me tighter, closer and..

..passion overflowed, passion that I had not known, existed. Red sure does something to him.

It would get dark soon and we had to climb down all the way. Reluctantly, lazily, after looking at the photos we had taken, we got up and got ready to climb down. I picked up a thick stick, just in case we needed it.

"Why do you need this measly stick when I'm here?" he mocked and asked me to throw it away.

I threw the stick down. It sounded like a half filled can of Coke though.

"What was that?" I asked and looked around...

...and saw, beneath my outstretched arm, the little green bottle lying on the floor of my hostel room.

The sun was still a dark shade of orange.


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P.S.: For anyone who feels the male character's charm is a lot like Twilight's Edward's, thanks a ton ;) But this piece was written two and a half years ago :)

My Story - of birth and death

I was born a very healthy baby, two days after I was due. I was 4.2 kgs heavy and fully grown. When my mom saw me, she thought I was blind in one eye because it was closed. When she saw tears in grandma's eyes, she was sure she had given birth to a one-eyed child. Only after some explanation later did she know that the tears were those of joy and that my eye was shut because my hair was getting into it. Yea, I born over weight with long hair and long nails. I was the toy of the nurses there. Grandma had to keep checking to see that they weren't troubling my poor, tiny head with pony tails and rubber bands. Oh and I was loud too! When I cried, it woke up a lot of sleeping people.

I lost weight in the first week and gained most of it back in the next.

That was birth time. Now, with me not being cautious about the flu in the air, seems like its easy for it to reach me. I don't want to die of a flu. A mere little flu. Okay, agreed it made news around the world, but still, a flu seems to be too silly and small a thing to be the cause of death.

I want to die of a tumour- specifically a brain tumour. That would be so cool. Everytime I have a headache and I tell mom, she asks me what could've caused it, I roll my eyes wide, make a scared expression and say, "tuuuumourrrr O_o" heheheheheh... just to irritate her ;)

So,one day I start getting headaches, they get worse and then I go for a test and find that I have a growth in the head. Its too late for any cure and I have 3 months to live. That is going to be the time of my life!! :) No one will tell me what not to do. I will not be scolded at for anything.I can do whatever I have been wanting to do. Learning a new skill is not included here. Since I have 3 months, I can finish off any pending deals, say to people what I have been wanting to say, train a few people to learn to live without me around.

Three months of suffering with the fact in my head that my death is near even seems like a good way to be punished for my bad karmas. I would get two months off from all my duties. Actually, I would just need to hand them all over to someone else and walk away. One part of me would be extremely happy and relieved that I have no worries left, that no one will force anything upon me; the other part of me...

...its really not that easy, is it?

Stuff I hate to hear from you

There are friends and there are acquaintances. Then there are strangers and the 'I wanna make fraanship wid u' kind of others. And then there are -saving the best for the last- the close friends. I chat with all of these and some words from all these category of friends and non-friends(!!) actually awaken the wild animal in me. So if you sense sudden anger in me, hell YES.. it IS because of something you just said!!

Here I list some of the things I so very much hate to hear. These are all I remember now. Words in brackets are what I'd love to tell you:

-wassup!! [the fan is and don't dare ask me that again!]

-howz life [its made up of moments and will always be.. leave me alone if this is what u came to say]

-so what else [the dog peed and my back itches. GO!]

-m gng hm wl b bk aftr 2 dz [for god's sake isn't it easier to type out full words? Every word is not Czechoslovakia!!]

-25/M/Bnglr here, wanna chat? [65/M/Andamans, sure I'd love to chat, son! ] I've done this one many times.

'So what else' is the most irritating of those. I was having a chat with one of my close college friends one evening. Let me tell u, I'm in my best mood in the evening. Its like, my time of the day. So I was at my chitter-chatter best for a while. Had a lot of things to tell her. Just before I could start telling her another thing, she said, "so what else?"

Uh.. what.. my mind went totally blank. Irritation was sparking all around me. I had so many things to say and I couldn't remember one single thing! I told her that her what-else had spoilt all the fun.

Another thing that irritates me (ohhh I'm so hyper-irritable!!) is people's reactions.

-'Ok'

-'Hmm'

Ugh.. that's all you have to say? Add something to it! It must be something perfectly alright, but irritates me, nevertheless!

-'Whatever' Now if this one comes from a friend, I'm left all sad and all, it sounds like they don't care! And why 'whatever' when one can easily clarify what exactly it is!? And if it has to be 'whatever' in the end, why start with that topic at all? If it comes from someone who is not a friend, I see to it that that's the last time we speak.

-'Good for you' This one sounds absolutely fine if its not a friend saying it. If its a friend, hey aren't u glad too? :(

-'Develope' is a word I've seen many of my professors write. Even seen it in the question papers. I cut of the 'e' so that I can't see it at all. I unknowingly make the yuckiest of expressions at the sight of that misspelt word. Any other misspelt word will do. Am weird na?

-'Regarding'. I try my best, like BESSSTTT to avoid using that word. The dislike for the word started in Std 5!! My History teacher used to say that word differently; not pronunciation wise, but expression wise. While saying it, she used to pitch down her voice to a very low note, used to move her eyes north east and she used to somehow squint when she did that. Eeeww!!

Like the smell of the perfume of a person we really liked a very long time ago still makes us happy, these words still strike the violence zone in me.

Oh! I have a blog! AND a job.

This page is either jinxed or I am making excuses. But ever since I created this blog, I have not been able to write the way I had been doing earlier. There was a time when I could read and re-read my posts and entertain myself and love myself for the way I write and for what I have written. That doesn't happen anymore. I have tonnes of stuff happening in my life and I tell you, it hasn't been this happening ever before. Maybe that is the reason I don't know what to update here and while I am trying to decide, I am caught up with something more.

My college, which is my workplace, is turning out to reflect a corporate scene where people never seem to finish their work before time and never have any free time. But since the mindset of people here is different, it doesn't look corporate. It looks like a decaying war ground where people are fed up because they cannot do what they do best the way they want to, they are asked to do it differently, for no specified reason, in a way that is inconvenient to them and what do you think is the end product? Inefficiency, irritation, hatred, unrest, grudge. And this is just the beginning. Time will demonstrate what's coming next. People have lost their temper in meetings, expressed it, situations turned nearly violent at one time. Basically, there is no happiness; there will be no happiness for as long as people are not open to experimentation and those who are not ready to wait for the new system's feel to grow on them.

Personally, I don't mind the changes much. My first reaction to the changes (2hr long lectures instead of 1hr being the most objected change) was an obvious "WHATTT?? OHH NOOOO!!" But when I listened to what Dr. Awesome had to say, I thought it was fine to try it out. And I did. But the reaction of the rest of people around... uff!! The less said, the better! "BE PATIENT AND TRY IT FOR A WHILE YOU OLD FOOLS!!", I'd love to yell out to them. It's a little over a month since the experimentation began and things don't really look as bad as they did when they were introduced.

Enough about college. Those things will work out well eventually. Change, after all, is the spice of life.