My Story - of birth and death

I was born a very healthy baby, two days after I was due. I was 4.2 kgs heavy and fully grown. When my mom saw me, she thought I was blind in one eye because it was closed. When she saw tears in grandma's eyes, she was sure she had given birth to a one-eyed child. Only after some explanation later did she know that the tears were those of joy and that my eye was shut because my hair was getting into it. Yea, I born over weight with long hair and long nails. I was the toy of the nurses there. Grandma had to keep checking to see that they weren't troubling my poor, tiny head with pony tails and rubber bands. Oh and I was loud too! When I cried, it woke up a lot of sleeping people.

I lost weight in the first week and gained most of it back in the next.

That was birth time. Now, with me not being cautious about the flu in the air, seems like its easy for it to reach me. I don't want to die of a flu. A mere little flu. Okay, agreed it made news around the world, but still, a flu seems to be too silly and small a thing to be the cause of death.

I want to die of a tumour- specifically a brain tumour. That would be so cool. Everytime I have a headache and I tell mom, she asks me what could've caused it, I roll my eyes wide, make a scared expression and say, "tuuuumourrrr O_o" heheheheheh... just to irritate her ;)

So,one day I start getting headaches, they get worse and then I go for a test and find that I have a growth in the head. Its too late for any cure and I have 3 months to live. That is going to be the time of my life!! :) No one will tell me what not to do. I will not be scolded at for anything.I can do whatever I have been wanting to do. Learning a new skill is not included here. Since I have 3 months, I can finish off any pending deals, say to people what I have been wanting to say, train a few people to learn to live without me around.

Three months of suffering with the fact in my head that my death is near even seems like a good way to be punished for my bad karmas. I would get two months off from all my duties. Actually, I would just need to hand them all over to someone else and walk away. One part of me would be extremely happy and relieved that I have no worries left, that no one will force anything upon me; the other part of me...

...its really not that easy, is it?

Stuff I hate to hear from you

There are friends and there are acquaintances. Then there are strangers and the 'I wanna make fraanship wid u' kind of others. And then there are -saving the best for the last- the close friends. I chat with all of these and some words from all these category of friends and non-friends(!!) actually awaken the wild animal in me. So if you sense sudden anger in me, hell YES.. it IS because of something you just said!!

Here I list some of the things I so very much hate to hear. These are all I remember now. Words in brackets are what I'd love to tell you:

-wassup!! [the fan is and don't dare ask me that again!]

-howz life [its made up of moments and will always be.. leave me alone if this is what u came to say]

-so what else [the dog peed and my back itches. GO!]

-m gng hm wl b bk aftr 2 dz [for god's sake isn't it easier to type out full words? Every word is not Czechoslovakia!!]

-25/M/Bnglr here, wanna chat? [65/M/Andamans, sure I'd love to chat, son! ] I've done this one many times.

'So what else' is the most irritating of those. I was having a chat with one of my close college friends one evening. Let me tell u, I'm in my best mood in the evening. Its like, my time of the day. So I was at my chitter-chatter best for a while. Had a lot of things to tell her. Just before I could start telling her another thing, she said, "so what else?"

Uh.. what.. my mind went totally blank. Irritation was sparking all around me. I had so many things to say and I couldn't remember one single thing! I told her that her what-else had spoilt all the fun.

Another thing that irritates me (ohhh I'm so hyper-irritable!!) is people's reactions.

-'Ok'

-'Hmm'

Ugh.. that's all you have to say? Add something to it! It must be something perfectly alright, but irritates me, nevertheless!

-'Whatever' Now if this one comes from a friend, I'm left all sad and all, it sounds like they don't care! And why 'whatever' when one can easily clarify what exactly it is!? And if it has to be 'whatever' in the end, why start with that topic at all? If it comes from someone who is not a friend, I see to it that that's the last time we speak.

-'Good for you' This one sounds absolutely fine if its not a friend saying it. If its a friend, hey aren't u glad too? :(

-'Develope' is a word I've seen many of my professors write. Even seen it in the question papers. I cut of the 'e' so that I can't see it at all. I unknowingly make the yuckiest of expressions at the sight of that misspelt word. Any other misspelt word will do. Am weird na?

-'Regarding'. I try my best, like BESSSTTT to avoid using that word. The dislike for the word started in Std 5!! My History teacher used to say that word differently; not pronunciation wise, but expression wise. While saying it, she used to pitch down her voice to a very low note, used to move her eyes north east and she used to somehow squint when she did that. Eeeww!!

Like the smell of the perfume of a person we really liked a very long time ago still makes us happy, these words still strike the violence zone in me.

Oh! I have a blog! AND a job.

This page is either jinxed or I am making excuses. But ever since I created this blog, I have not been able to write the way I had been doing earlier. There was a time when I could read and re-read my posts and entertain myself and love myself for the way I write and for what I have written. That doesn't happen anymore. I have tonnes of stuff happening in my life and I tell you, it hasn't been this happening ever before. Maybe that is the reason I don't know what to update here and while I am trying to decide, I am caught up with something more.

My college, which is my workplace, is turning out to reflect a corporate scene where people never seem to finish their work before time and never have any free time. But since the mindset of people here is different, it doesn't look corporate. It looks like a decaying war ground where people are fed up because they cannot do what they do best the way they want to, they are asked to do it differently, for no specified reason, in a way that is inconvenient to them and what do you think is the end product? Inefficiency, irritation, hatred, unrest, grudge. And this is just the beginning. Time will demonstrate what's coming next. People have lost their temper in meetings, expressed it, situations turned nearly violent at one time. Basically, there is no happiness; there will be no happiness for as long as people are not open to experimentation and those who are not ready to wait for the new system's feel to grow on them.

Personally, I don't mind the changes much. My first reaction to the changes (2hr long lectures instead of 1hr being the most objected change) was an obvious "WHATTT?? OHH NOOOO!!" But when I listened to what Dr. Awesome had to say, I thought it was fine to try it out. And I did. But the reaction of the rest of people around... uff!! The less said, the better! "BE PATIENT AND TRY IT FOR A WHILE YOU OLD FOOLS!!", I'd love to yell out to them. It's a little over a month since the experimentation began and things don't really look as bad as they did when they were introduced.

Enough about college. Those things will work out well eventually. Change, after all, is the spice of life.

Another book

I'm done reading 'P.S. I Love You'. A very good book with an unconventional ending; one that makes one want to rid themselves of all the negativity, one that makes one believe that it is not so difficult to overlook the bad things in life and mingle with the beauty around us, making our own life more beautiful and enjoyable; one that makes one wish to have a Hitler-less family like the lady in the book had *wink*

After that, I read another book. '2 States' by Chetan Bhagat :)

By the way, has anyone noticed Chetan's books' names?
-One Night at a Call Centre
-Two States
-Three mistakes of my Life
-Five Point Someone
-Four Filthy Falls.

Okay. I made up the last one. But I think his next book's title will start with 'Four'. Nothing that I think will happen ever happens.
I really adore Chetan's style of writing, especially in '2 States'. There's humour in every alternate sentence. I love the way he comically weaves in similes into serious scenes making them hilarious! I was so much in awe of his writing skills that I searched for Chetan Bhagat on facebook. And I succeeded. I succeeded like I didn't imagine I would. I found 500 Chetan Bhagats there. Hoping to find the original, I used some of my Sherlock skills and analytical abilities and zeroed in on one profile. I sent a friend's request while laughing at myself and within 24 hours, I knew that I had found the real Chetan :) Because my request was rejected. If I were him, I'd do the same too.

Yesterday, I was talking to a fellow blogger and we realized one huge similarity. I'll keep that similarity a secret. That's not the point. She realized while I was talking that, like everyone had been telling me, I urgently needed a break from work and that I had become a workaholic, I was actually enjoying the effort, stress and overload of work that was on me. I still maintain that I don't like holidays. But now it looks like I need to force myself into an extended one because it was her who realized I was overloaded, not me.

Missing the boss

I don't like holidays. For some reason, which I refuse to elaborate or even state here right now (since I have been pissed off almost all day today and stating the reason might cause me to erupt like a volcano, complete with hot lava), I prefer being busy and having my brain active full-time, at work.


The workplace has been an absolute pleasure to be in, ever since Dr. Chelpa Lingam took over. He has transformed the ambiance of the place from that of a developing (or sleeping, more precisely) country to a top performer. Once everyone is willing to be open minded for once and understand and accept the changes, something that's just an ambiance for now will turn into reality.

I have never seen a principal here before who has been so busy. There is not a moment when he is alone in his cabin. Meetings go on throughout the day and since there is no time to meet one person at a time, there is multitasking happening. I guess its a good way to do it because that way, people wouldn't go on blabbering insignificant stuff, which is more likely to happen when its a one to one talk. I remember the earlier principals who were mostly discussing god-knows-whats with only a selected few subordinates or reading regional language newspapers!!

It's not just once or twice when I've had the urge to just walk in and speak my mind, when I wished that I'd get some time with him so I could say all that I've been wanting to ask or say on a given day. So many things left unsaid, so many things forgotten, wasted and made to vanish into the black hole called 'the past', into time that'll never return. Even then, I still have truckloads to say...
It's ok. Someday I'll be important enough.

Sir has been away for more than a week and I have to say I am missing his presence real bad!! Just one more day to go and he'll be back :) and he'll continue to illuminate the place and people's minds here.

There was a day when I was in a situation where I thought I'm going to get a nice little scolding from him. As I sat all sad and apprehensive, one of my students came to me and said, "Principal has changed, no?"
"WHAT???" I spat.
"Yeah! The fellow at the counter told me."
"What rubbish? What did he say?"
"That signatures can't be given till we have a substitute."

I nearly had a nervous breakdown. I sat there still, turning cold, but sweating. I could feel a stone in my throat and a throbbing pain rising from my neck to my head. It took a few minutes to be composed again. I remembered then that Naaz had gone to submit some report to him. I called her up to find out. She coolly said that Sir was there in his office and everything's fine.
I nearly strangled my student for almost killing me that day. Her stupid misinterpretations! After that I thought, let him scold me, pressurize me, get me stressed or whatever, I don't mind one bit. I just want him to be around all the time.

Am so glad he's coming back soon :) There's been a clear, ugly void ever since he went on his little, very well deserved holiday. Sir, you have been royally missed!

The Last Date

Part-I

"Meet me at 10", his voice crackled over the phone.
"Same place?", she asked, trying to speak as less as possible.
"Yea. Bye." He cut the call without waiting for her response.

It was 21st May, only a month after they had celebrated their second anniversary of being together, only a week after they had had a bitter fight and cried to sleep, only a day after she told him that she wanted to call it off. Two months ago, neither had dreamed that this day would ever come, that this day would be so near.

It was the day for the break up date.

They had been together for two years. They were the ideal couple, but only for a year. Then, the tensions had begun, the fights had become serious. There were innumerable misunderstandings, lots of failed explanations, anger, tears, grudges and everything bad. The talks had not reduced, but every time they did, they were either yelling at each other or saying the final goodbye. There had been a hundred final goodbyes. The addiction to each other never let them go apart.

Last night was different. The argument had turned ugly. Instead of trying to make up, they had begun to blame each other and talk about old incidents that each had been hurt by because of the other, old stories that they had thought were long forgotten.

"I don't want to talk to you." She had said.
"Yes, run away into hiding when you know its your fault."
"I don't want to be with you any longer. Do you understand that?" she spoke slowly, softly.
"Yea me neither. I am fed up of the daily fights," his ego spoke aloud without a pause.
"Good thing that the feeling is mutual."

The line went dead.

It had taken him 20 minutes to let her words sink in. Then, he had called her back. It had rung only once before she picked up as if she was waiting for his call. He was glad.

"Hello.. hey.." he tried to speak.
"Let's meet one last time. Tomorrow. Anytime after 8am. Let me know the time."
"Last time? Now you're kidding." He hoped aloud.
"I told you. I have had enough. And I am serious this time."
He had heard those words from her earlier. But he could hear the coldness in her tone this time. She was dead serious. He was searching for words when,
"Goodnight." She slipped the word into the silence; and the line went dead again.

It was 8 am, 21st May when he called her to tell her the meeting time. He could've just sent an SMS, but he wanted to hear her chirps as many times as he could. He had only a few more hours left with the person he loved the most in the world.

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INTERMISSION: This is a story I wrote last year, eleven months ago, to be precise. Had posted it elsewhere the very day I wrote it. Now, I'm sharing it here for everyone to see. This was my first attempt at story writing. So far, my last too. Errr.. okay, I confess- this was my second attempt. The first one turned out to be a little too mushy ;)

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Part-II

The meeting place was only a few minutes away from his house, but he left early. He stood at a corner of the busy street trying to concentrate on the noise and traffic around to distract his wailing mind, but every time someone pushed him in the crowd, he'd realize that he had gotten lost in his thoughts, yet again.

"Hi-ii!" The familiar musical chirp made him turn around quickly and gather himself. It was her. She smiled at him. He tried to return a smile, but couldn't get himself to do it. He was busy searching in her eyes for a clue to know what she had in mind, but her eyes gave nothing away. He looked at his watch and fixed his gaze there for several seconds. Then he dropped his hand to his side and then his head. She was bang on time. Every time he had complained that she was always late and made him wait. Today, for the break up date, she was on time. It seemed like she was in a hurry to finish it all off.

They took the table next to the door at the coffee shop, fidgeted with the menu card for a few seconds without looking in it and then ordered. She fixed her gaze on the view that she had from her side of the table. She watched the sea rush to shore and tried her best to keep an uncaring face, because she knew that if she showed the slightest hint of sadness, he'd understand.

Coffee arrived. He sat across the little round table staring into it as if he was searching for life's answers in it.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, as if talking to his coffee.

She looked at him from the corner of her eye, at his coffee and back at the waves. She quickly blinked away her tears and was glad that he hadn't noticed.
"Have your coffee", she said and began sipping hers.

He did not budge. He just sat there stealing glimpses of her.
"Why aren't you having your coffee?" she asked him.
He turned to it and looked at it with disgust as if it was a rotting animal. He turned back to her and looked at her questioning eyes as if asking her, 'Will you take me back if I drink this?'

As if reading his mind, she said, "We need to talk. And I don't want to do it here with so many people around. So..."
It took him precisely 20 seconds to finish the contents. The bill was paid and in no time, he was standing, waiting for her to lead the way.

She got up and smiled into his eyes, "Come, let's go and sit on those rocks."

While they walked, he held her little finger. "Don't leave me," he said and tightened his grip.

Her silence made it clear that she had made up her mind when she left from home that day. Silently, they walked ahead till they reached the rocks and settled down on a clean, dry one.

"I did not sleep last night," she said. "Why did you fight with me? Won't you let me sleep in peace ever?"

"I'm sorry. Please don't go away like this. I cannot...", he voice cracked and he looked away.

"This is not easy for me either," she said and reached out to her handbag.

'A goodbye card probably,' he thought and impatiently waited for her hand to come out of the bag. Out came the newspaper. He looked at her, puzzled.

"Is Rahul Gandhi sexy?" She read out aloud and giggled.

"I thought we have something to talk about," he reminded her.

"Oh come on! We have our whole life for that. Let's read the paper together today," she said, and leaned onto his shoulder.

Sleep... and a book

Mom has always said that its very comfortable to sleep next to me because I don't move at all once I've slept. So, there are no kicks, pushes or any kind of violence to the person next to me.

Yesterday, I got a proof of this motionless sleep routine of mine. I was really tired when I went to bed yesterday. I remember transferring some data to my pendrive, that I had to give to the lovely little boy I so badly want to adopt.

After putting away my laptop and all the dozens of stuff on my bed, I was finally ready to sleep only to find that the pendrive was still there. I lied down anyway and kept the drive on my stomach.

umm... yea you read right-- stomach. Tummy. Don't ask me why. There was no other place to keep it I guess.

Today morning when I woke up, (without an alarm!!) I found that my pendrive was exactly where I had kept it. I hadn't even moved enough for it to slip off me!

P.S.: I'm reading 'P.S. I Love You' and I'm loving it! I can bet the author did not intend to make it a self help book for the love lost and depressed folks, but it sure feels like that. Its like a tutorial, disguised as an inspiring story, on how to bounce back and live and be happy too!